First Reading: Genesis 2:18-25
18The Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Psalm 128
1Happy are they all who fear the Lord, and who follow in his ways! 2You shall eat the fruit of your labor; happiness and prosperity shall be yours. 3Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive shoots round about your table. 4The man who fears the Lord shall thus indeed be blessed. 5The Lord bless you from Zion, and may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. 6May you live to see your children’s children; may peace be upon Israel.
Second Reading: Hebrews 2:1-18
1Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it. 2For since the message declared by angels proved to be reliable, and every transgression or disobedience received a just retribution, 3how shall we escape if we neglect such a great salvation? It was declared at first by the Lord, and it was attested to us by those who heard, 4while God also bore witness by signs and wonders and various miracles and by gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will. 5For it was not to angels that God subjected the world to come, of which we are speaking. 6It has been testified somewhere, “What is man, that you are mindful of him, or the son of man, that you care for him? 7You made him for a little while lower than the angels; you have crowned him with glory and honor, 8putting everything in subjection under his feet.” Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him. 9But we see him who for a little while was made lower than the angels, namely Jesus, crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. 10For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering. 11For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers, 12saying, “I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will sing your praise.” 13And again, “I will put my trust in him.” And again, “Behold, I and the children God has given me.” [14Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, 15and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. 16For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. 17Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.
Gospel: Mark 10:2-16
2Pharisees came up and in order to test {Jesus} asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 10And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” 13And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. 14But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 15Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” 16And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
The Knot Bound
Have you ever wondered how I determine what I’m going to preach on each week? I’ll admit, sometimes it’s difficult, but other times there is a clear, strong call from God on a specific area of teaching. In this case, the area of marriage, for me has been a clear, strong call from God in terms of teaching for this time in the life of the church. The reason is simple. Hardly a week goes by that I don’t hear of someone having trouble in their marriage, both in the church and outside of the church.
It’s discouraging to hear how many marriages are struggling, so much so, that people are avoiding getting married all together. By one estimate, marriage rates have been falling for decades and are at the lowest ever in our history. As a result, among some ethnic groups, 66.2% of babies are now born out-of-wedlock according to the Brookings Institute. Although the divorce rates have leveled off, here in the US, we’re still seeing almost 50% of married couples divorce, the sixth-highest divorce rate in the world. Subsequent marriages have an even higher failure rate: 60% of second marriages end in divorce and 73% of all third marriages end in divorce. I wish there was a simple solution to the problem, but there isn’t.
Marriage is hard work; according to St. Paul, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Cor. 13:4-7). Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires constant attention. The truth is, even after decades of being together, marriage seems to bring with it surprise after surprise.
I was doing some reading on this subject earlier in the week and saw this: “Do wives ever feel like they dated Dr. Jekyll and married Mr. Hyde? Do husbands ever feel like they went to bed with Sleeping Beauty and woke up with the Wicked Witch of the West?” There’s an old Arab proverb that says, “Marriage begins with a prince kissing an angel and ends with a potbellied, bald-headed man looking across the table at a rotund lady.” Poor Terry, I still kiss an angel every morning, she wasn’t as lucky! The truth is, marriage requires commitment, hard work, and sacrifice.
As I said, marriage can be tough. While dating, we only see the best. Marriage, on the other hand can reveal the worst in us. Even those of us who enjoy the best of marriages, find we still have obstacles to overcome, and difficulties to deal with on a regular basis. I’m reminded of the wife that, following an explosive argument, said to the husband, “You know if you really loved me, you would have married somebody else.”
It’s common today to say that when a man and woman get married, they are “tying the knot.” This saying grew out of an ancient custom where the bride and the groom actually had their hands tied together as part of the wedding ceremony. They weren’t allowed to remove the rope until they had consummated the marriage. The problem we face is, many times, the rope becomes frayed and too often, the knot gets untied. I can imagine there are few things worse than feeling like you are trapped in an unhappy marriage. Most of us remember the comedian, Jerry Lewis.
Jerry was known for saying, the best wedding gift he ever got was a video recording of his wedding ceremony. He said when things really get bad in his marriage, he goes into a room, shuts the doors, watches the video backwards and walks out a free man. What I’d like for us to do today, is walk backwards all the way to the beginning of time to the beginning of this world. I believe the secret to tying a knot that will never become untied is to let God tie and guard that knot. Think about it.
You don’t go two chapters into the first book of the Bible until you come to the very first marriage in history. Before God created the church, before God created the state, before God created the school, God created marriage. This is something we need to take note of. Marriage is to be the foundation of the family. The family is to be the foundation of the nation.
I can say with confidence, as marriage goes, so goes the family, and as the family goes, so goes the nation. This morning, we’re going to take a look at the first wedding that resulted in the first marriage in history. Our Gospel lesson contains clues to the secret of a good marriage. In our reading from Mark, the evangelist records the only time Jesus was specifically asked what He thought about marriage. Guess what? Jesus refers back to this passage from Genesis. The fact is, this first marriage was intended to be a model for every marriage. This first marriage is God’s visual example of why marriage is important, what marriage should be like. One could say that not only was marriage God’s idea, it was His ideal idea. Remember, Adam didn’t think up marriage; God did.
Creating a helper for Adam was God’s idea – not Adam’s. The problem is many get married and turn an ideal into an ordeal, and then we want to look for a new deal! Here’s a thought: isn’t it interesting that satan didn’t bother Adam before Eve was created? As soon as Adam and Eve were married, satan attacks. I believe the devil has his biggest weapon aimed at the husband-wife relationship, because he knows if he can destroy that, he can destroy children and families. The fact is, whoever controls the family controls the future.
Here’s a thought about “tying the knot”; I read a comment from a mountain climber who said the reason mountain climbers are tied together is to keep the sane ones from going home. God wants to tie the knot in our marriages so tight that no matter how tough things get we will keep climbing instead of running. I believe the secret to a good marriage is found in our Genesis reading. If we will do what Adam and Eve did, God can tie a knot that will last a lifetime. The first secret we find in our Genesis reading is, we must allow God to bring us together. “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). Up until this point in creation, everything that God created was either good or in the case of humanity, very good.
God was pleased with all He had accomplished until now. For the first time, the Bible tells us that God says, “This is not good.” “It is not good that the man should be alone”. It’s not that God had made a mistake. God simply wasn’t finished yet. God sees that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. To this point, there was only one human, Adam. God never intended for humans to be alone.
Now before I say anything further, let me make it clear that it isn’t wrong to be single. God doesn’t call everyone to be married. Two of the greatest men who ever lived, Jesus and Paul, were never married. God created the first man with two voids that could only filled by a Heavenly Father and by an earthly female. God’s solution was, “I will make him a helper fit for him.” The point is, no one can live absolutely alone. We need other people to get along in this world.
By the way the word, “helper” simply means an assistant. The word has the idea of supplying something that would otherwise be lacking. Eleven out of fifteen times it’s used, it refers to God as our helper. There are certain things that a man alone cannot do alone. Adam was told to tend the Garden of Eden, but he couldn’t do that alone. He was told to fill the earth, but he couldn’t do that alone. From the beginning, God gave Adam a purpose that he could not fulfill alone. Adam needing a helper, and the Bible tells us that “the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man” (Gen. 2:21-22).
From beginning to end, the first wedding wasn’t primarily about a man and a woman, it was primarily about God. Who planned the wedding? God did. Who provided the husband? God did. Who presented the bride? God did. Who performed the ceremony? God did. Marriage is God’s ideal idea. You are looking at God’s model marriage. And as Jesus himself pointed out, we can draw two conclusions from this: (1) Marriage should be a lifelong commitment and (2) it should be between one man and one woman. God didn’t give Adam two, three, or four helpers. He only gave one. He didn’t give Adam another male. He gave Adam a female.
The key statement is in verse 22, “…God brought her to the man” (Genesis 2:22). Eve becomes the only bride given away by God himself, which is why traditionally the father gives the bride away, because the father stands in the place of God, who is bringing two people together. That’s why it’s so very important that the only person you should consider marrying is the person you believe God has brought to you. Another important thing for us to remember is Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14)
From the beginning, Adam’s first love was his love for God. The same is true for Eve, her first love was to be for God. Consider the old saying, “It’s not how you start, but how you finish that counts?” When it comes to marriage, how you start is just as important as how you finish and may determine how you finish. The first principle of tying the knot is this – let God bring the couple together and let God tie the knot together. This brings us to the second secret of marriage; we must allow God to build us together. At this point in our reading the wedding is over, and the marriage is now official. Now, God himself gives the next instruction to the bride and the groom. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother” (Gen. 2:24).
The Hebrew word for “leave” is most often translated “abandoned” as in “abandon ship.” In a sense, that’s exactly what must happen at the beginning of a marriage. The son must abandon the ship, cut the apron strings as it were from the parents, and the same applies to the daughter. The two of them must get on their own ship called “marriage.” Before there can be a union of a husband and wife there must be in a sense a dis-union of the child from the parent. The primary relationship in any family is always the husband and the wife. It isn’t the child to the parent, nor is it the parent to the child.
Now don’t read more into this than what God said. It doesn’t mean we’re to ignore our parents or to disrespect our parents or to quit loving your parents. What we’re talking about here is allegiance. Marriage is the beginning of a new branch in the family. While it does remain tied to the vine, it must be allowed to grow on its own. Throughout history, it has never been the custom for a man to totally leave his parents when he took a wife. Our first love is always to God and when married, our second devotion is to our spouse.
When two people get married they don’t just move into a new house; they move into a new home. The purpose of that home is for God to build that couple together just like He built their parents together. When God brings us together, He build us together. By the way, this comes right out of the text. Go back to verse 22. “And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman” (Gen. 2:22).
It might be good to note here that the word “made” in the Hebrew is actually an architectural term. It literally means, “to build.” It’s also used for a potter that builds something out of clay. Anybody can build a house, but only God can build a home. That is exactly what Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” God wants to be the custom builder of every home.
God only needs two pieces of material – a man and a woman. These are the raw materials. What God uses to build a home is a God-given husband and a God-given wife. And God intends for that home to last. That’s why there must not only be allegiance, but there must be permanence. The man is to leave his father and mother and then “Hold fast to his wife.” That word “hold fast” literally means “to be glued to” or “to be cemented to.” God intended for the man and woman to hold on to each other for dear life – no matter what. It’s in this process of holding on that builds us. It builds character. It builds perseverance. It builds faith. It builds trust and it builds love. When God ties the knot it’s because we allow Him to bring us together. When we allow God to bind us together, we discover the third secret to a strong, happy, lifelong marriage.
We must allow God to bind us together. When we do, the result is a knot that God ties, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). There is a divine process here that you can’t afford to miss. God’s ideal idea is for a young person to grow up being taught to love God first. That child then becomes an adult, and they begin to wait for the one they believe God brings to them who would be someone who loves God like they do. Then the two get married, leave the home of their parents, ask God to build their new home, and then allow God to bind them together. They then become one. What I just described to you is exactly the opposite of our culture, which is hook up, shack up and break up.
The word for “one” used here is actually used of God himself when it says, “The Lord our God, the Lord is One.” The Trinity is made up of three co-equal persons: One God who reveals himself as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Marriage is to be a replica of this trinity (three persons who are one.) God’s ideal idea is for a marriage to be made up of a man, and a woman and God. In totality they are one. This can only happen if the right process is followed. First, God brings us together spiritually.
The first thing that ought to be true of a couple thinking about getting married is that God is their first love. Then, after God brings them together spiritually, He then builds them together emotionally. God brought Eve to Adam, gave him the opportunity to look her up and down and Adam felt something emotionally that he had never felt before. He could love the animals, but he could fall in love with Eve. Then, and only then does God bind us together physically. Culture sadly reversed the procedure. First, you hook up. Then, you shack up. If it doesn’t work out, you break up. That’s what naturally happens when God is left out of the picture. God wants to tie a knot that will never come undone.
Under the heading of you learn something new every day; as I did some research, I learned the most secure knot that can be tied is called a “constrictor knot.” Sailors love this knot because the knot stays tied and grips itself so well that it’s often impossible to untie. That’s the kind of knot God himself ties when we put Him first in our lives and in our marriage. Anytime we find we’re having struggles in our marriage, the first thing we need to remember is that God tied the knot and God is the one we need to look to and place first in our lives. When we do, God will give us the strength to weather the storm.
C.S. Lewis put it best when he said, “When I have learned to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving toward the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed, but increased.” Lewis was right. For marriage to be the lifelong commitment that God intends, we must allow God to bring us together, to bind us together, and build us together. When we do, the marriage will truly be, until death do you part.
Amen
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