FIRST READING Genesis 2:18-25
18The Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
PSALM Psalm 128
1Happy are they all who fear the Lord, and who follow in his ways! 2You shall eat the fruit of your labor; happiness and prosperity shall be yours. 3Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive shoots round about your table. 4The man who fears the Lord shall thus indeed be blessed. 5The Lord bless you from Zion, and may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. 6May you live to see your children’s children; may peace be upon Israel.
SECOND READING Hebrews 2:1-18
1We must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it. 2For since the message declared by angels proved to be reliable, and every transgression or disobedience received a just retribution, 3how shall we escape if we neglect such a great salvation? It was declared at first by the Lord, and it was attested to us by those who heard, 4while God also bore witness by signs and wonders and various miracles and by gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will. 5For it was not to angels that God subjected the world to come, of which we are speaking. 6It has been testified somewhere, “What is man, that you are mindful of him, or the son of man, that you care for him? 7You made him for a little while lower than the angels; you have crowned him with glory and honor, 8putting everything in subjection under his feet.” Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him. 9But we see him who for a little while was made lower than the angels, namely Jesus, crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. 10For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering. 11For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers, 12saying, “I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will sing your praise.” 13And again, “I will put my trust in him.” And again, “Behold, I and the children God has given me.” 14Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, 15and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. 16For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. 17Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.
GOSPEL Mark 10:2-16
2Pharisees came up and in order to test {Jesus} asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 10And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” 13And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. 14But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 15Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” 16And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
THE BIG D
This morning we’re going to be talking about several truths. The first of which, is the fact that one topic in today’s New Testament reading is difficult. In fact, it’s so trying, most folks would prefer we don’t talk about it at all, unless we’re forced into it. But, as we all know, ignoring a subject doesn’t make it go away. As a matter of fact, it makes dealing with it, that much more difficult when it does come up. It’s a subject that affects every family from every walk of society. It’s a topic that pastor’s hate, and a subject that as soon as you say the word, it has people tuning you out, rolling their eyes or immediately becoming defensive. I bet you already know the topic I’m going to address this morning. It’s divorce.
Yes, divorce. I might be crazy, but as a pastor, divorce is a subject that we dread, and why, because there are no winners. As a pastor, when I talk about divorce in marriage counseling, I’m seen as being negative. The couple sitting before me swears it’ll never happen to them, they’re in love, they’re different, they respect each other and so far, (thanks be to God!), all that appears to be true for all the couples I’ve counseled here at Bethel. I pray it stays that way. But the same can’t be said of society now can it? We’ve all heard the divorce rates and statistics. Yet, we’ve all been affected in one way or another by a divorce. It’s for all these reasons and more that I, as a minister of the gospel, must talk about this subject.
The reality is, we live in a world where divorce is all too common. For many married couples, it seems like divorce is just one misstep away. We hear people justify their actions by using phrases like “falling out of love” and “the spark is gone” and the next thing you know, the marriage has dissolved. The question for us is, how should we look at marriage? What is God’s will in all of this? And what about all the others who are affected by the couple’s decision?
John and Susan had their wedding all planned out — a beautiful location for a perfect June outdoor ceremony. They’d been dating about nine months and both families were happy about the wedding. About a month before the ceremony, John was eating breakfast with his coworkers and mentioned that he and Susan had had an argument the night before. After stating that it was all Susan’s fault, he said, “Well, if this marriage doesn’t work out, we can just get a divorce.” By September of that first year (three months after the wedding) they filed for divorce. It was over.
I’m sure all of us can think of other couples who, despite early arguments and hard times, have celebrated many years together. We’re glad to know of couples who are in their marriage for the long haul, but divorce is so common in our society that a couple separating after only a few months together doesn’t really surprise us.
Obviously, the topic of divorce isn’t new, and neither is the controversy surrounding divorce. It’s not surprising that when the Pharisees wanted to “test” Jesus (and the implication here is that they wanted to find fault with him), they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” And why not? No matter what Jesus says, they thought, He’s going to upset some people. The Pharisees saw no downside to asking the question … or so they thought.
The question really was about the law regarding divorce. While there were competing ideas about the circumstances that would lead to divorce, most everyone agreed that divorce was legal. And of course, this is where the Pharisees missed the boat. They were focused on what was “legal,” not on what God intended or what the Hebrew Bible had to say. This is one reason why the writer of Hebrews, in talking about God’s word said, “Therefore, we must pay greater attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it.” Being a follower of Jesus means, we not only follow what God says in the Bible, we must also follow His example. This brings me to the second truth of the day: divorce is a subject Jesus didn’t shy away from, so neither can I.
Recognizing the emotionally charged nature of this subject, the religious leaders came to test Jesus. Now I’m one who normally criticize the Pharisees for their games. But on this occasion, I’m thankful for their less than honorable attempt. In this instance, they allow Jesus to clear the air, which brings us to truth number three. Divorce is our invention, not God’s intension.
From the beginning, Jesus said, “God made them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mk 10:7-9.) God’s intension from the beginning was a life long union. A partnership. A union of support; of mutual caring and sharing. It was never intended to be a joining for convenience. It wasn’t instituted solely for physical pleasure. It wasn’t established so one could dominate the other. Marriage from the beginning was designed to be mutually beneficial. God put His creation under our control and we need each other to properly care for God’s handiwork. God gave Adam a job to do and God realized he needed a helper (Gen. 2:18.) So, from man, God took a rib and created Eve (2:22.) But sin entered the world and the blame game began. With blame comes bitterness, mistrust, harsh words and a breaking of promises. This brings us to truth number four: there are no winners in divorce.
There are way too many variables when it comes to divorce, for anyone to say they are 100% innocent. We all, from the couple, to the family, to the church, to society, all have a share in a failed marriage. Society makes divorce out to be simple, by making it easy. People will use excuses like, we couldn’t reconcile our differences, we fell out of love, we really weren’t soul mates. Hollywood creates movies and TV shows that laugh about people who have been married multiple times, making light of the fact that a marriage has failed. Society minimizes the impact and even glorifies those who take an active role, whether it’s a cheating spouse, a private detective, a lawyer or the vivacious beauty or hunky lady’s man. Society refuses to acknowledge and highlight the pain and the damage that divorce causes, choosing instead to downplay its effects.
As a church, we share in the blame for failed marriages because we shy away from the subject. We use phrases like, “we’re all sinful creatures.” “Divorce is something that happens.” “We shouldn’t be judgmental.” And while each of these statements are true, that doesn’t excuse our lack of teaching, counseling and strong words of warning on its damage and dangers. We as a church should be talking openly about the subject, and in the case of those affected by a divorce, we should be providing counseling and encouraging those involved to tell the stories of how it has affected them, the children, the church and the community.
As a pastor, despite the fact that divorce is such a prickly subject, I should be open as well about the effects, both spiritually and emotionally. Pastors must be willing to say to a couple, you really need to do more work together before going forward. We must be willing to call out sinful behavior and attitudes, whether it’s ones of promiscuity or domination. Pastors must be clear about behaviors inside and outside of marriage and we must be willing to call out those teachings in society that are counter to God’s word and wishes. And parents and family members need to accept their responsibility as well.
What example do we live out in front of our children? What do we say when the subject of divorce comes up? Do we laugh along with the TV shows when divorce is made light of, or do we rebuke the characters for their failures? As husbands and wives, what example do we set for our children? Do we show respect for each other, support each other and show affection for each other in an acceptable way? And for those who live in a blended family, what do you say about the child’s other parent? Do we run them down, do we point out all the flaws, do we blame the other for the divorce? Are we honest, as the children get older, about the damage that divorce causes. About the hurt and the pain that is felt even years later? And what about the guilt? Do you accept responsibility for your part in the failed marriage, no matter how large or small that part may be? With those questions in mind we need to acknowledge truth number five: Kids are just as affected as the mom and the dad.
Young children will blame themselves. Teens will become angry. Adult children will be left wondering why, and might even question their ability to be effective in their marriage. If possible, children are the only innocent victims when it comes to divorce. They didn’t choose to come into this world, into a particular family, at a specific time in the life of the couple. Children are a choice of two people who decided to have sex. And while I’m in trouble here, I might as well make this point clear.
The Bible is clear, sex outside of marriage is sin. Between single people it’s called fornication. For someone who violates the marital vow, it’s called adultery. Let’s do society a favor and be bold enough to bring back the teaching of abstinence. If we did, we would not only help with completely eradicating a whole category of diseases, we could end the whole abortion industry. We could prevent children born to unwed teens and young adults and we could significantly reduce the number of divorces. Imagine that, by following one rule, we could massively improve society.
But society won’t acknowledge that will it? Society would much rather develop entire industries to help control the results of sinful behavior rather than admit we need to address the root cause of the problem. We have the responsibility as followers of Jesus, to speak the truth in love. But this also means, we as followers of Christ, need to listen.
This brings us back to our epistle lesson: “Therefore, we must pay greater attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it.” We not only need to pay attention to the Bible, we need to listen to those with experience. Which brings us to the next truth. Our young people often refuse to listen to the wisdom of their elders. I had a pastor earlier this week tell me that two of his daughters refused to heed his advice and now both are divorced: one after one year of marriage and one after three. The third daughter did listen, and now has been happily married for 7 years. He said his advice is simple: only date Godly men. The same can be said for our young men. Only date Godly women.
Children, teenagers and young adults, need to listen to the advice of their parents and the church. Consider this. What is the motive of the parents and church? It’s for everyone to have a healthy, happy marriage. We’re not trying to cramp anyone’s style. Our motive isn’t for someone to be alone forever. Our desire is for our children to thrive, to become faithful disciples and for them to be Godly parents themselves someday. Yes, our young people need to take responsibility as well. They need acknowledge the dangers of divorce and be willing to listen and accept the advice of those who have the wisdom of years and experience. They need to ask the hard questions of those who have gone through a divorce and those who have gone through that difficulty, need to be open and willing to be honest themselves, not just play the blame game. Those who have been divorced need to accept their part in the failed marriage, no matter how big or small that involvement is. We as a family, as a church and as a community need to break the cycle of lies that divorce isn’t a big deal; it is a big deal!
This brings us to one more truth we need to address today which comes in Jesus’ explanation to the disciples. Those who get remarried commit adultery against their first spouse, if they’re still living. I know this is a hard truth, but Jesus is the one who said it, not me. I don’t like it because I have family members who must deal with this reality. The question for us is, what now?
I know a good many people who have remarried after a divorce. I know several of our own pastors who fall into this category. Does this mean that if you’ve remarried and your former spouse is still alive you’re living in sin? Does this mean they have to get divorced again so they’re not an adulterer? The answer to these questions is no. Jesus said, there is only one sin that will not be forgiven and that’s blaspheming the Holy Spirit. Jesus said in Matthew 12:31, “Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven men, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven.” But I must add this word of caution; this verse isn’t to be used as an excuse for divorce and then remarriage.
God knows people make mistakes and that marriages fail. God also knows that some people can’t live as single, they need the companionship of a spouse. Paul addresses this very thing in his letter to the Christians in Corinth. Paul said he wished everyone could remain single. But he understood that for some this isn’t possible. So, in this case a person should get married that they may not fall into sin. (1 Cor. 7:7-9.) The good news in all this is, there is forgiveness.
But as with any forgiveness, there must be a recognition and acceptance of our part in the failure. We must also quit making excuses. We have to stop rationalizing away our shortcomings. As with any true confession, there must be a taking on of the responsibility and a true desire to turn from sinful behavior. By recognizing and accepting our responsibility, we can then come to God, ask for His forgiveness and we will be forgiven. Additionally, we must be willing to genuinely forgive the former spouse.
Remember the 5th petition of the Lord’s Prayer; forgive us as we forgive others. Of course, this doesn’t mean that everything will instantly be okay, that years of mistrust, ill feelings and abuse simply go away. It does however mean, that healing can begin. It means that then, and only then, can true healing occur with God’s help. The final truth we must acknowledge is the effects of divorce lasts for years, possibly a life time.
All of us bear some responsibility when it comes to divorce. As a church and a family, we must recognize and accept our part in communicating the effects of divorce and our need to teach and support married couples. We need to speak the truth in love and our young folks must be willing to listen. Marriage is a serious, life-long covenant between a man and a woman. It should never be entered into lightly. Jesus said, “God made them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
God’s intension from the beginning was for a marriage to be a life-long partnership. A cooperative union of mutual love, honor and respect. If we all work together and are willing to do our part, maybe, just maybe, we can prevent a divorce before it happens.
Amen
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